How can you build self-confidence? How can you gain more confidence in yourself as you move through the various contexts of your life?
Changing any and every negative emotional pattern, those patterns that have you diminishing your sense of self begins by becoming aware of how you are running that pattern and in what contexts you’ve made that pattern your go to response. That’s what this "Ask Kidest" post will address so that you can begin to take hold of, take ownership of, the spectrum of emotions that fill your life. You run your emotions, your emotions don’t run you.
One of the most important things you must realize about your innate capacities is that all emotional states are not states that you have but rather states that you do. You do not have emotions. You generate and run your emotions. All emotions that you experience are patterns of energy and information that you generate and sustain within yourself. This is your leverage. This is why you can change any emotional response pattern that you no longer have use for, that you're done using as a strategy.
Confidence isn’t something that you have in yourself. Confidence isn’t something you have about yourself. It may feel that way because you are so closely associated with the state or pattern. The overall experience of confidence in any context of your life, is actually a pattern of psychology, emotion, and physiology that you generate, run, and sustain in yourself. Confidence is a state of being, it is something you add on to your sense of self. If you find that you are lacking in self-confidence in certain environments, you must first realize that the experience of lacking confidence is also something you are generating in that moment through the thoughts you cycle, the emotional states you hold onto in your body, and through the physiology you put into motion.
Your breathing, your posture, your internal dialogue, and the emotional states that come alive in your body are all a sequence of responses you automatically kick off when you’re in situations you at some point decided require that you run the "I'm not confident" pattern. It’s as if you tell yourself, unconsciously of course, “oh I’m in this environment, it’s time for me to run my ‘no confidence’ pattern.” It's not a problem with self-confidence that you have, it's a pattern of"no confidence" that you run.
If you haven’t explored the way you internally organize yourself before, this may seem like a lot to swallow. I mean, why would you create a lack of any positive emotion in yourself? Why would you generate and hold on to negative thoughts of any kind? Why would you then make it your habit to run that sequence over and over again? You don’t do this consciously and deliberately obviously. You do this from your conditioning, from your habituated way of being in the world.
At some point in your life, you accepted the sequence of thoughts and emotions that line up as an absence of confidence to be true for you. You memorized this state. You accepted such a sequence to the extent that you conditioned it to be a "natural" response for you. You used some feedback, some self-critical pattern or some negative feedback given to you by those around you, and from that point on, that sequence of thoughts and emotions became your go to pattern to run when you found yourself in similar situations. You took the lack of self-confidence response and generalized it to be your go to internal orientation in other contexts.
The first step in becoming more confident, the first step in gaining more self-confidence, is to own that you are the one creating the sense and state of not being confident. You’re running that feeling of self-doubt. You’re generating that psychology of distrusting your worth, your abilities, your qualities. You're remembering those memories in which you ran this program before and felt low on the confidence scale. You’re perpetuating that physiology of a lack of self-confidence. You're recalling that "you've always been this way". In all of these, recognize that you are the common denominator generating, running and recalling an overly familiar state of thinking, feeling and posturing you experience as "not being confident". You are the one right now accepting whatever thought patterns move you into the emotional states and physiological posturing that expresses as not being confident. Realize that. Own that and then you can begin to generate, run, and memorize the psycho-emotional strategies that equate to self-confidence.
Take a moment to identify in what scenarios or in what contexts you find yourself not feeling confident. Take a look at what it is you’re hearing inside yourself in those moments – what types of thoughts take hold of you? Whose voice do you hear? What sorts of images are you making? What memories are you calling up into your consciousness? What’s it feel like in your body? What’s your body language like? What’s your posture like? How are you holding your shoulders and your chest? Study the pattern you've up to now been experiencing as a lack of self-confidence. Be curious and ask yourself: how am I holding myself physically, emotionally, and psychologically in those moments where I don’t feel confident?
Once you recognize what you’re doing to create the feeling of not being confident, you can interrupt that sequence and run a different pattern in its place. Ask yourself: If I were to run a sequence of thoughts and emotions that affirm a high level of self-confidence, what would I be hearing inside myself instead? What images would I be seeing instead? Maybe for your sequence it'll be changing the way you hold your shoulders, or catching a stream of thought that up to now you had assumed was true about who you are. Once you recognize the ingredients of that "lack of self-confidence" pattern, you can substitute any or all of them within an instant.
You only have to change and interrupt this pattern one time to begin to experience something different. You only have to catch the automated sequence once to begin to realize just how much choice and power you have over your over-rehearsed states of being. From that recognition, you can then build upon, expand, enlarge and stretch the self-confidence state into every area of your life. You can re-condition yourself to show up confident in any situation without fail.
Your thoughts don’t run you. Your emotions don’t run you. You have power over all the patterns you generate, run, and sustain inside yourself. Always!
© Kidest OM, Infinite-Life.Com
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