The Deliberate Creator’s Approach to Managing Relationships

The deliberate creator’s approach to managing relationships involves recognizing where people are and accepting them for where they are in their personal evolution. Most of the tension you feel in relationships comes from resisting how people are showing up and from denying the reality of who they’ve already shown you they are. Seldom do people show you their wholeness and still center but rather live and lead from their learned and constructed versions of self-ness.

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“Why did he do that? Why did she say that? How can he do this? How can they do this? I don’t understand why they’re like this! I just don’t get why she keeps doing this.” You can find yourself being surprised or annoyed, frustrated or dumbfounded in response to how people show up, but if you look closely people will and have always repeatedly shown you their current range of expressions in thought, words, and deed.

Human beings, while having the same potential to fully self-actualize and Self-realize, are at different stages of psycho-energetic development. While some have mastered the physical stage, some have not. While some have mastered the relational stage, some have not. While some have mastered the visionary stage, some have not. Everyone is expressing different levels of mastery in each of the psycho-energetic stages of development.

To expect someone who has never demonstrated to be a visionary before to be tuned into and aware of a broader vision is wishful thinking. To expect someone who has never revealed themselves to be empathic or thoughtful to the needs of those around them or to your needs, to suddenly have these qualities is setting yourself up for disappointment. To expect someone who has never demonstrated emotional awareness or emotional self-control before to suddenly be able to regulate or control their reactivity is an expectation based in fantasy.  It's not about your ideas of how they ought to be and who they should be – you have to face who they are showing you they are right now.

The people around you constantly demonstrate their routine and habituated behaviors day in and day out. They show you what stages of development they have reached, what stages they’ve left incomplete, and what stages they have never entered. They constantly reveal to you their level of consciousness, their level of psycho-energetic development. How they did things yesterday, how they did things a month ago, how they reacted in similar situations, how they typically spend their days week after week, how they behaved in similar contexts, how they talk about others or themselves are all revealing to you their well-rehearsed thinking and behavioral habits, their emergence and mastery of the different levels of heart, mind, and spirit.

Like clockwork you can expect them to repeat the same set of behaviors you’ve observed day to day given the right set of circumstances in the same way you do. They will run the same predictable emotions and behaviors day in and day out, and most often unless they are actively working to transform and evolve themselves or are forced into change by their environment, they will keep thinking what they’ve been thinking, feeling what they have been feeling, and behaving in the same ways they have been behaving again and again. This was the same for you before you took on the work of evolving yourself.

The thing to look at then is not their behaviors and the why’s of why they do what they do, but rather where your own expectations for a different set of thought-feeling-behaving patterns to emerge come from. Where is your own resistance to them coming from? How much of your time is spent resisting who they have already shown you they are? Why are you expecting something different from them? What awareness is trying to emerge through the resistance you experience in your observance of those around you? How are these relationships serving your own evolution? How are these interactions fueling your own emergence onto new stages of psychological and energetic expression?

The only part of the relational dynamic you can do something about is your own. Meaning, the only control you have is controlling the perception and energy you contribute to the relationships all around you. Adding resistance to a dynamic you’ve developed will only work to further distress you and throw you off your balance. The main thing to explore and examine is the patterns that relationship dynamic or interaction stirs up from within you. If some behavior in someone else is stirring a reaction from you, that reaction is coming from your own existing working models and filters.

If you take the integral psychology approach (e.g. 3-2-1 process), you can see what you’re resisting as a disowned part of your own being that you need to integrate – when you do this, behaviors in others that once had a charge no longer carry a charge for you. From that place of integrated awareness within yourself, you have more resonant influence and coherent wave-forms to contribute into any environment and any relationship. Bring your own perception and awareness, your own heart-mind-and spirit into resonance and coherence with your highest truths and you will be a force unlike any other in your world.

Let nothing distract you from your own growth and evolution. Let no single situation or person make you think that your energy needs to be about anything other than your own expansion. Take every moment that shows up and every moment of tension that arises within you to fuel your own emergence onto new stages of energy and perception, to sharpen your own image of a higher expression of self, and to deepen your alignment to your vision and ideals. This thing that has shown up? It’s not about the situation, the person, or the details. It’s about your own mastery and completion of the psychological, emotional and energetic stages you have already moved through and the stages you are emerging onto.

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