How lovable do you feel in your life? How lovable do you feel in every moment of your waking experience? How desirable and important do you feel you are to others? For far too many people, a pervasive plaguing thought, feeling, and impression is that they are not lovable.
This core construct, premise, and conclusion of "I am not lovable" or “I am unlovable” or “I am not worthy of love” manifests itself as a variety of maladaptive behaviors that work only to fulfill and reinforce that root feeling of being unlovable. Maladaptive behaviors are behaviors that fail to resolve the internal conflict created by negative perceptions of self, others, and world –because these behaviors are counter to the resolution of that conflict, they don’t actually resolve the conflict. For example, withdrawing or going into avoidance when you feel the need for connection is a maladaptive response – the behavior accomplishes the opposite of the need that is arising.
Unlovability as a core belief says that you don't have the qualities that would invite or attract others to genuinely and wholeheartedly love and care about you. When you are under the spell of this filter, when you are under the trance of this master construct, you have a hard time believing or accepting that you are important, desirable, and lovable to others just as you are. Your automatic patterns of thinking, your narratives, and your overall behaviors carry out the script that says you aren’t lovable. Loving gestures and expressions from others are misinterpreted, misconstrued, discounted, dismissed or overlooked simply because of the distortion this construct creates in the way you translate and interact with the world around you.
As a maladaptive response to this undercurrent, you end up feeling that in order to give and receive love you have to jump through hoops, you have to be perfect, you have to put others first, you have to look a certain way, you have to sacrifice your time and energy, you have to bend over backwards, or you have to try hard and be the best at everything. The only way to be lovable and receive love from others, when you fundamentally feel unlovable, is to be more than you are now, to do more than you do now, to have more than you have now. In an effort to fill the emptiness and void created from the sense of not being lovable, you find yourself driven to engage in all sorts of behavioral patterns to meet that need for loving and being loved.
Your lovability never needs to come into question. That you are lovable, precious, adorable, worthy and deserving just as you are is one the first touchpoints of transcendence you will encounter on the self-evolution or self-growth track. You are lovable. You are precious. You are adorable. You are worthy. You are deserving. You need never wonder about this and if ever something in your development has brought you to conclude that you are in any way and on any level unlovable, or you’ve inherited that impression from your caregivers, to step into your full power, you have to unearth and eject this impression from all layers of your being. You are lovable in mind, heart, body, and spirit.
Pay attention to how you respond to these statements. What do you feel and where do you feel it when you focus and give your full attention to already being fully lovable, already being completely worthy, already being fully deserving, already being precious? What happens when you wrap your whole awareness around the statement “I am lovable” and feel into that statement with your whole being?
The energy of lovability, adorableness, worthiness, deservability is a core thread of your natural makeup. Before infants take on the energies of their environment, before learning and conditioning happens to change their brain and energy, there’s an innate and natural magnetism to their being, a core way of being that is unconditionally embracing and accepting of who they are. Existence, coming into being, and lovability are one energy.
If you feel any resonance with “I am unlovable”, if any part of you relaxes when you read that, feels a connection to that, or you feel any level of tension when you read and feel into “I am lovable”, then your work is to make it your primary focus and intent to release the full thread of unlovability woven into the matrices of your being.
Let yourself fully and completely access all the instances in which you have felt unlovable, undeserving, unworthy. Bring to mind every individual in your life who has mirrored these feelings to you. Let yourself become aware of the automatic patterns of thinking that come up as you focus on these situations and individuals. Bring all of it to light into your awareness from a non-judgemental space of being. Let yourself recognize the real nature of what you’re accessing – old memories, old neural networks you formed with little conscious input, unconscious emotionalized thought-forms, unquestioned constructs you have been using as your filter to make sense of your being, your relationships, and your world.
In order to really experience the full force of your power and presence in the world, you have to shed the limits of false beliefs. Erase these distortions from your energy fields. Unlovability is a false belief. Unworthiness is a false construct. Undeservabiltiy is a false assumption. Not one of these constructs reflect and hold the true energy of your full being. Light, beauty, bliss is what you’re made of. The truth of your being is a beauty so vast that all constructs fail to contain it. Step up to that. Step in to that and anchor it down into all the octaves of your being. You are lovable. You are worthy. You are deserving. You are entitled to love and be loved for all of your existences past, present, and future.
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