• Kidest OM

Can I manifest or attract a specific person?

Question: Can I influence or attract a specific person into my life? / Why can't I attract a specific person into my experience?


This question is from Dr. A., and because it has been asked a few times in different variations I'm addressing it below. This is actually a much bigger cookie than a single post can cover so consider this just a nibble on a topic that could fill a whole book.


Managing relationships from a conscious creation standpoint is significantly different from magnetizing or manifesting objects. People come with their own needs, wants, desires, motivations, histories, dreams, values, feelings and so on. An individual is a much more complex system and higher order of consciousness than an object. So while you can focus on a specific car with its unique color, model, year and so on and effortlessly draw it into your life, focusing on specific people with the intent of drawing them into relationship requires a different level of skill and attention for it to be a resonant act of deliberate creation.


Technically, from a purely "can you get whatever you want" standpoint the answer would be yes you can draw, magnetize or attract specific individuals into your reality if you're focused on doing so and living in alignment with that intention. It is, however, something I advise caution around and encourage deeper investigation into your need to do this.


Firstly I caution on focusing on an individual like this if you're working within a framework of linear reality (where you're tied to a specific single past where you only know one sequence of events as being your past), as it can be unpleasant for both you and the other individual. Especially if there is any level of forcefulness in your focus - I call this "hard focus" and it is the home of control and manipulation. It feels pushy, suffocating, restraining to have someone focus on you in this manner. Even though you may be thinking about how you're good for them, how perfect you are for them, most of the time you are only focused on them as an object and that is one box they are too big to fit in. More on object focus vs. person focus later.


While you may be coming from a loving place, because you're not factoring their wants and needs and the totality of everything that they are, to the subject of your specified focus it can feel like they're being energetically forced to move in a way that they haven't consented to and their response will usually be to fight, attack, bolt, leave, create distance between you, slip through your fingers and so on. They intuitively know who is using "hard focus" on them because they have a keen nervous system (like you do) that takes in all sorts of data from the environment so they know exactly where it is they need to build barriers. Their survival flight or fight instincts will kick in. So as a first step, take a look your desire for the person and how the person is represented in your mind. Read up on the object vs person focus below and see what opens up for you. How do you think you would feel if someone was focused on bringing you specifically and exactly into their experience? Look into that dimension of it as well.


​Secondly, if you're not attracting them as you are now, it's because it's not an energetic match. Picture a universal dating app that says "not a match" on it with your picture and theirs side by side. This not match is based on energy. Where two individuals desires, dreams, values and overall energies are in alignment, they will naturally be drawn to one another. They will be magnetic to each other. This is an unfailing organizing principle of our waking reality framework. If a resonant relationship where you're naturally moving toward one another isn't unfolding between you, then it means your energies, your energy fields, your electromagnetic fields are not magnetic to one another. In order for your fields to match then, to become magnetic, you either have to change your energy to match their energetic level or alternatively influence them into matching yours. If you're not meeting each other in space-time right now, then you are not on common energetic ground. If a specific individual that you know isn't open to you as you are now even though you are feeling drawn to them, it means literally that you are not a match energetically. Where there is a mutual resonant attraction, you'll come together in an obvious flow. You may bring your emotional baggage into the relationship field you create together and so have stuff to work out, but that you come together will be the easy part of your relationship.


When and where you are an energetic match to an individual, you will not have to ask this question because flow and synchronicity unfold in your life to move you together. This happens without fail. When you are a match to someone, events shift about to bring the two of you together. There is no figuring anything out, questioning, wondering, analyzing and so on. There is just flow. The effort it takes to change what's not a match, to my perspective, seems like a lot of work. If the building of a relationship requires you to focus on the other person in a way that you struggle to keep your own state of being vibrating in the elevated range of confidence, love, joy, peace and so on for yourself and your world, then you are compromising your ability to maintain internal energetic stability. This internal energetic stability is your point of attraction, your song in the Universe, your magnetic signal in the Field. This is something you want to examine.


Of course, you have total freedom in what you wish to pursue and who you wish to pursue (or attract rather). What I encourage always is to look at the material of your own mindset and look to see if what's motivating you is motivating you toward growth or toward the familiar, and if it's elevating and growing your energy or if it's creating static noise in your nervous system in the form of limiting patterns of thinking and feeling. Keep in mind that growth is most often a growth into new territories and a letting go of the familiar.


Thirdly, the best way to know what someone else's experience of you is and if you can in fact co-create with them the kind of relationship you want to create, is really to talk to them after coming into clarity on what exactly it is you are desiring to build with them. One of the things I have noticed in these types of explorations where this question comes up is that there is a belief that you only need to do all of this in your mind and there is no need to involve the other person. For the getting into alignment part of building the relationship, yes. For the expression of the relationship no, you have to involve the other person since it is a co-creative dance.


The belief that you can just create what you want to create in your mind/heart and you're done, there's nothing further to do, stems from an egocentric standpoint where you see the other person as an extension of your own nervous system. And while on a deeper reality level there are no ego's, on the level where this question comes up, there are. You have to come back to ground level on this and recognize that they are not one with your ego. They are their own ego with their own preferences and so the best way to begin to build a resonant bond with them is to express to them what it is you want to build with them (after coming into clarity and alignment with what that is).


Diving Deeper into your Desire


1) Linear frameworks and Multi-timeline frameworks


If you're working within a framework of multiple simultaneous timelines, this is a moot post - you cannot be within such a framework and perceive a reality that isn't unfolding as you desire at the same time. If you notice a singular past for yourself, meaning you remember only one yesterday, last year and so on, with no other possibilities active in your frame of reference, you are likely organizing reality in a linear fashion (this is where many are at this point in time and that's OK). To attempt to use concepts from a parallel worlds model here while you're still organizing reality linearly will seem like a cluster-mess of confusion. Proceed lightly and with curiosity. The simple answer (because this question was posed) to "why are they being that way" in this regard then is "because you are being this way" - it's a one to one ratio here, you are getting what you're getting because you are being who you are being. A different parallel you has a different energy. A different you with a different set of feelings, recurring thoughts, beliefs and so on, is getting a different set of events showing up in this moment.


2) Developing People/Person Focus - graduating from object focus.


People/Person Focus (different from object focus) is something that takes work to develop in yourself - it is the ability to focus beyond the mental representation you hold in your mind about those individuals around you. "People" focus is a significantly different experience of consciousness than object focus and is something you want to be conscious of - when you're focusing on someone are you simply experiencing a mental image, or are you seeing lifetimes upon lifetimes manifested before you in your minds eye? A person is much much much bigger field of consciousness than an object so seeing how much information you are holding in your awareness when being "Person" focused will tell you where you are in your skill.


Take a look at the image you hold in your mind of this specific individual and recognize that they are not that image. Whether you have idealized them or monster-ized them or a blend of both to varying degrees, they are not this projection you hold in your consciousness. There is a continuity to them larger than your image that spans in space, in time, beyond space and beyond time. They hold with them a stream of consciousness that spans for generations. So pay close attention to who it is you are focused on and how multi-dimensional an image you hold of this person. There is always more to the people around you than the surface ego you see and interact with.


3) It's not the person you want, it's the qualities they are mirroring to you.


In points of focus like this where we fixate on bringing a specific individual into our experience, I suspect the actual need that is being interpreted as a need for that person is actually a need in our own being to integrate the qualities we are admiring in them. If we desire them and feel our relationship is already formed and manifesting, and they are not moving toward us, then perhaps what they are there to help us with is integrating a disowned self in our own being. The qualities we are drawn to in them, the thing in them that calls to us is a mirror to a part of our own being that we disowned at some stage in our psychological development. So consider that possibility. What qualities could you be being called to integrate in yourself?


In Summary


I've noticed it seems to "work better" to focus on the feelings/energies you want to experience and let that organize your world, rather than using your conscious mind to hone in on a specific person. Conscious mind tends to get fixated and become inflexible when you have something specific or exact in mind. Over-attachment to drawing in something or someone creates way more resistance. There's also the limited vantage point of using your conscious mind to identify and create from what is already known, rather than letting the Field bring you something new from the unknown, from the Field of Infinite Potential. What are you learning about yourself through this desire? What could you learn if you were to let go fully and surrender to the Field to bring about the relationships that support your evolution and emergence into your highest potential?


Objects are easy to get specific about but people are, well more complex as well, so you don't necessarily know what aspect of them you're inviting into your experience. Dig deeper, be curious about your own mindset around this and look at it rather than just through it. What's here for you to learn, develop, grow? How is this here to help you mature energetically, psychologically, emotionally and so on?


Conscious creation is never just about manifesting an outcome, it's also about the evolution you go through in the process of manifesting about that outcome. Learn from what this desire is bringing up and stirring up within you. Look at what the presence or absence of what's wanted here is bringing up within you and do some energy clean up. As you do that, clarity will emerge, guidance will be clear, and your path will shine and glimmer before you. There is no right or wrong way to learn whatever it is that you're here to learn around this.


What I suggest if a specific individual has caught your attention and you're not seeing flow, is to focus on what about them is capturing your attention - focus on the qualities you're admiring/liking and become appreciative of that and see where that goes. Keep your energy up in your appreciative focus.


Think on that and approach it from all the angles available to you. You'll find and learn from whatever you decide and however you wish to proceed.